Relationships can be challenging during somewhat high stress/minimal space times, like when we’re on a family vacation or even just over the holidays. But hunkering down for three months together with kids, while trying to hold down multiple job titles (parent, teacher, employee), during a global pandemic, is less than hunky dory. Health issues, job loss and/or financial insecurity, worry about family and friends, social isolation, or not getting along with someone you’re sheltering with can all be additional stressors. Everyone is finding their own way through this and one thing is for certain–there is no one right way. Here are a few thoughts you might find helpful.
Developing a family routine, and tweaking it when necessary, is basic but invaluable. These are unsettling times for all and it can be challenging even for adults to stay out of anxiety and negativity but we really thrive on predictability. Having a daily routine helps children feel safe and secure, and while there are a lot of questions about the future parents might not be able to answer right now like, “when can I see my friends, when will we go back to school, will there be camps, swimming, or gatherings this summer,” you can do your best to provide a calm reassuring atmosphere that encourages them to be in the present moment appreciating whatever the day brings.
Keep it simple and broaden your scope. Being realistic about the current global situation calls for us to adjust our standards as parents, teachers, and employees, to a level which is commensurate with the circumstances. As Rebecca Branstetter said in her article How To Reduce the Stress of Homeschooling on Everyone, you cannot be as productive as normal because these are not normal times. Do your best and trust that what you’re giving is enough based on both your values and the situation. Simplify your routine and expectations for yourself and those around you, but allow yourself to think outside the box for learning and growth opportunities which your kids might not have experienced previously. Your child’s current school routine doesn’t need to look like it did in the classroom-let that go. Create a schedule that works for your family, with learning time intermixed with free time playing outside if possible, helping with household chores, and learning new skills which they may not have learned in the classroom. Allow time for interactive learning–grow an inside herb or an outside vegetable or flower garden, teach math and science through measuring for a building or baking project, encourage them to create a play based on something they read or learned in history or social studies, ask them to invent a game never played before, let them just paint/draw/journal.
Most importantly, try to view this extended time in close quarters with your family as one which can foster new practices and traditions, lead to improved social development and problem solving skills within your kids, and build lasting memories during what will possibly be the most unusual historical event in our lives. This is an opportunity to embrace a challenging time while remaining open to the silver linings it brings–if you focus on teaching your kids how to do that, it will be a life lesson beyond anything that can be taught in a classroom.
Lisa Pasquinelli, PhD 